Since about 38 weeks people have been saying "haven't had it yet then?" while looking at my ample bump. My reply a weak laugh and "No" while thinking inside "No shit Sherlock" or "Well bugger me I wondered what this massive fucking bump was. Thanks for clearing it up"
I am now getting to the murdering stage.
I was two weeks late according to the doctors with my first little girl, but bear in mind they estimate it based on a 28 day cycle (mine is nearer 30) so really I might just be designed to carry for longer. I am not, however, designed to handle the copious, well-meaning but albeit irritating as fuck phone calls, texts, facebook messages and people in person asking "is baby here yet then?"
Rest assured baby is not here yet. Once baby is here you will know, because I will ring you, text you, post a picture on facebook and if I see you in person thrust my child in your face.
In the meantime, keep your enquiries to a minimum of "how you doing?" or " I bet you're sick to the hind teeth of being pregnant by now aren't you?!" because believe me I bloody well am. If I could reach in there and yank this baby out I would. I'm sick of peeing all night, being unable to roll over in bed without making a noise similar to one of the Williams sisters at Wimbledon and being kicked in the ribs from the inside.
You well-wishers asking me if my baby is here yet when clearly she bloody well isn't are reminding me that according to some mythological date she should be and if all was well with their divination techniques I'd be struggling to sleep because of a baby screaming by now and this depresses the shit out of me.
Please use this link for further reference: http://haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com
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